Legally – Jammu and Kashmir not part of India!

What bunch of hypocrite patriots we are…

Every time we see maps like this, our blood boils.

Every time CNN lops off India’s head in its maps – we call it pro-Pakistani.

Every edition of Time Magazine and every edition of the Britannica Encyclopaedia, coming into India- still have these ‘wrong’ map stamped out.

Technically, you would assume that it would be unpatriotic, blasphemous and downright illegal to use such an ‘incorrect’ map.

Not totally.

Ever wondered what does the law of the land say about the Status of Jammu and Kashmir? The troubled state may be the centre of attention of every governmental agency, but legally speaking it’s not part of India(!!)

Surprised?

Look up the definition of India, as given by in various central acts (part-B states (laws) act 1951). The Central acts define India as "the territory of India excluding the state of Jammu and Kashmir." And we were wondering what Pakistan was making such a hue and cry about!!! Most of the central acts like Indian Penal Code, the Indian Evidence Act etc. describe India as territory of India excluding J&K and most of the acts have been made inapplicable to the border state….its not the act - but the wording that is worrisome.

Ofcourse I am not stating anything new – back in 2007 two petitioners form J&K, B S Billowria and Manzoor Ali Khan filed a petition in the Supreme Court, contending that the separatists, militants, secessionists and supporters of Pakistan in J&K were misusing the definition to impress upon the people -- that Jammu and Kashmir was not an integral part of India.

Interestingly the Supreme Court dismissed a petition that was questioning the basic validity of the definition of ‘India’….True that Jammu and Kashmir requires special provisions, true that our legal definition does not give Pakistan the right to show Kashmir as part of its territory….but the some of the fault lies on this side of the LoC too!

The world perceives parts of Jammu and Kahsmir as a hot-spot/disputed territory. We could make a start towards clearing that perception by NOT wording our laws so blatantly – so blatant that it gives ammunition to anti national forces and sends confusing signals to the international community. No wonder they continue to print wrong maps of India – because we continue to be confused over our position on J&K.

If only Prabhakaran was in India…

If India took so long to hunt a forest brigand ... its anyone's guess how long we would have taken to nab Prabhakaran .... Why are we so sissy? Any guesses as to how India would have reacted in a similar situation? Imagine Prabhakaran in the jungles of Tamil Nadu, holding several hundred Indianans as hostages? Is there a chance in hell that there would have been a military operation against him?

Even as this article is written, Velupillai Prabhakaran is alive (albeit cornered) along a narrow stretch of land in Northern Sri Lanka. Regardless of weather he is caught / killed / escapes, one thing are for certain, the edifice of terror that he built, has now crumbled to dust. The reign of suicide bombings and raids that he had promised on Colombo hasn’t materialized, instead like a coward he fights for survival – using Tamils has a human shield - the same Tamilians he had promised an independent Eelam.

But even as Prabhakaran is gasping for breath – there is a lot of hue and cry that is being made about him in India. The ‘humanitarian crisis that is brewing in Lanka’ has given the Congress a pretext to stop the war immediately, while conveniently forgetting that the ‘humanitarian crisis’ is as much the creation of the LTTE as much as Lankan forces. It’s this kind of soft approach that lands the Indian Government into hot water all the time, half-baked, half-hearted and hot potch, that’s our standard reaction to terror – be it Kandahar or 26/11.

True that the Congress had to protect its (and the DMK’s) Tamil vote base, but Prabhakaran is the man who annihilated the IPKF, assassinated a former prime minister and alienated every peace loving Tamil sympathizer. Killing was/is Prabhakaran’s raison d'être and every offer to smoke the peace pipe with him was brutally stubbed out. Yet it seems that India wants him to live - to kill another day.

Conversely if Prabhakaran had been in India, he would have retired peacefully – handing over the reigns of his terror organization to his son, who would have taken the organization to new high’s (pun intended). In India, any attempt to flush him out would be abandoned as the ‘civilian casualty’ would have been unacceptable. (Never mind the civilians he would have bombed – maimed and tortured) That’s the exact reason why we let the Naxlas flourish, now they decide where and when to strike and it’s the government that’s on the run.

If Veerappan, a mare forest brigand outran the law for more than twenty years, then a Prabhakaran with his micro lights, submarines and guerrilla tactics would have lasted a century. At a very basic level there are a lot of similarities that can be traced between Veerappan and Prabhakaran. Both started out, avenging the ‘wrongs’ that had been done to their near and dear ones. Both used the forests to their immense advantage. Both had local support and sympathy – part driven by loyally but more due to fear. But significantly both were not taken seriously enough – until they became too serious to handle.

Case in point - Besides conducting several daring raids and escapes, Veerappan famously kidnapped popular Kannada actor Dr. Rajkumar in July 2000. Despite having sufficient grounds to do so – the Karnataka government did not call the army – as it would have reflected ‘poorly’ on the state. (There are allegations that as much as Rs. 50 crore was paid to Veerappan to secure Dr. Rajkumar’s release)

Similarly when the IPKF was pushing him back towards Kilinochchi, the Tiger chief Prabhakaran conveniently put his scruples aside and made a peace pact with the then President, Premadasa. The IPKF suddenly found itself stabbed in the back and had to make a humiliating exit from the island nation. (Of course Prabhakaran eventually eliminated Premadasa too)

The point his that the Sri Lankan government learnt its lesson the hard way – that’s why Rajapakse does not want to stop before he gets Prabhakaran’s head. Not a bad move – considering that all ceasefires in the past have been used by the LTTE to rearm, regroup and reinforce. Any guesses as to how India would have reacted in a similar situation? Imagine Prabhakaran in the jungles of Tamil Nadu, holding several hundred Indianans as hostages? Is there a chance in hell that there would have been a military operation against him? Going by the empirical evidence provided by the Kandahar hijack – the answer is blatantly obvious.

Veerappan finally ran out of breath in 2004 and fell to bullets fired by the STF. On the wrong side of fifty, with no organization to speak of, the sandalwood smuggler met his ‘natural’ end. But Prabhakaran in India would have continued on and on….although he too is on the wrong side of fifty, Prabhakaran had a structure and organizational hierarchy that the GOI would have found difficult to dismantle. When we can’t counter a rag tag group like the ULFA then the LTTE would have been a far cry.

Ofcourse the Lankan government has committed atrocities on the Tamil population, ofcourse there was justification behind the rise of the LTTE – but when a rebel looses sight of his cause, his inevitable downward spiral begins. Prabhakaran has been spiralling for quite sometime now. True that the Lankan Army will have to tread cautiously – minimize the civilian casualties, but the Rajapakse knows that there will collateral damage - and it’s a choice that he’s willing to live with. It’s a choice that Indian politicians find impossible to make.

Meanwhile our political leaders continue to do, what they do best - make statements. Bang before the elections, Jayalalithaa says he she will demand a separate state of Tamil Eelam. Prabhakaran and Co. do not worry, there is someone to take up your cause after you are gone, by the way, if you do manage to escape in that submarine of yours, just land up on Marina beach – your political asylum request shall be earnestly considered (At least till the elections are over!)

THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY TALIBAN

….it’s like sending a molester to reign in a serial rapist…..

Twenty five years of living under the LTTE shadow, and the Sri Lankan cricket team never had to worry about getting shot (even when they were cricketing superpowers) But now in far away Lahore – they were saved from terror, by nothing less than a miracle.

So the day after terror struck, what is Pakistan doing ? The day after 12 assailants came, sprayed bullets, fired a rocket, killed half a dozen officers, nearly wiped out the Lankan team – and walked away… Well for starters the Pakistani government is blaming India, blaming ‘outside’ forces, even the LTTE, infact pointing a finger at everyone in visual range. But amidst all the finger pointing, what about the three fingers that are pointing towards itself?

To explain the rising scourge of the Taliban and to justify why on earth it was dealing with the rogues… Pakistani spin doctors have created a complete order of the Taliban – a new species if you will… (with subspecies, mind you!) We try and drill a few holes into what Pakistan is selling to the international community!

Meet the good, bad and the ugly Taliban! Pakistan says they are different as chalk and cheese ...

The bull about the good, bad and ugly Taliban that Pak is selling

The facts of the matter. Jaago Pakistan Jaago! T for terror / T for Taliban!

THE GOOD TALIBAN - Like the good Samaritan, are those who are patriots, they understand the situation created by the enemies of Pakistan. They support the Army and its various agencies that are all busy protecting Pakistan. The Good Taliban also include the Afghan Taliban, who is the original Taliban. They are good not because we like or dislike their policy, but because they, too, have never attacked Pakistan or Pakistanis. They are part of the Afghan opposition to the puppet regime of Hamid Karzai. THE BAD TALIBAN - are those who started to form various groups under the leadership of the opportunist Mullahs or Imams. Such groups formed when they found the country was rapidly slipping towards chaos and lawlessness. Their objective is to make the country weak, induce turmoil and attack the defense system and the associated personnel of the country. FAKE TALIBAN – (SUB SPECIES OF BAD TALIBAN) - are the real enemy of Pakistan. They pose themselves as religious people and have contacts with other religious organizations in Pakistan and arrange all the suicide bombings, truck bombings, the introduction of fear and panic among the people. The BLA of Balochistan has also joined this group and is supported by the above mentioned countries. THE UGLY TALIBAN – are those who are the well paid agents of the coalition that consists of India, Israel, Europe and United States, using Afghanistan as their base of operation. They are supported by the Northern Alliance and the puppet Mr. Karzai in Kabul. They have sold themselves to the enemy and are responsible for the present chaos.

Protecting Pakistan form who??? Aliens from the Pakora Galaxy ??? From what we know, the biggest threat to Pakistan comes from the Taliban itself – So do us a favor - shoot yourself buddy. Aaah, so you good Taliban types are the bacchas of the old Taliban types – the old bugger in Afghanistan seems to have taken some Viagra and is back in action … never mind the small issue that the old Taliban allowed Al Qauda to grow, blew up the Bamiyan Buddha and was responsible for the worst human rights abuses in recent times….Like father like son. The Bad Taliban or the naughty Taliban does not listen to the ISI anymore – it’s the part that broke free and turned its back on the government and refused to do its bidding. ISI should know- you reap what you sow… no use crying now! The Bad Taliban also goes about handing policemen on lampposts, blowing up girls schools and implementing medieval laws in Pakistan. Supposed to have executed the attack on the Lankan team, attack on the Marriot hotel, many other attacks. Pakistan would have us believe that the Good Taliban follow Gandhi’s Ahinsa path – while all the killing, raping, maiming is done by the bad Taliban. Bad Taliban is just the bad son of the good Taliban that just wont listen to daddy anymore (ie. ISI) – because it wants to own a county – namely Pakistan. So you see Pakistan does have some scruples – it is dealing ONLY with the good and bad Taliban. There is no room in its country for the Ugly Taliban. The worst of the worst – the scum of the universe… who do not shave, but also don’t have a bath – because by some twisted logic its banned – prohibited – its sin – its haram. Ofcourse Indin RAW props them up – I only wish that was the case. RAW does not know what is happening in its own HQ in Delhi, leave aside distant NW Pakistan!

So there you have the answer – the Lankan attack was done by the BAD or the FAKE or the UGLY Taliban….NOT THE GOOD TALIBAN. Case closed.

But by trying to find logic in lies – Pakistan is digging its own grave. The graveyard is pretty full and I doubt it will find a place for itself. But Pakistan keeps the shovel going on… cutting a deal with insurgent leader, Sufi Mohammed….(good Taliban)… who supposedly, he will persuade tougher Taliban, such as his estranged son-in-law Maulana Fazlullah, (Bad Taliabn) to lay down arms on a permanent basis.

For the lack of any better explicative, it’s like sending a molester to reign in a serial rapist. Chances are that the molester will gang up with the rapist and have an orgy. The attack on the Lankan team shows that the rape of Pakistan is well and truly underway. And make no mistake – after satiating its thrust with Pakistan – the Taliban will look elsewhere. India better keep its skirt down and knickers up.

Fishy games that politicians play … !!!

There is some serious fish curry cooking in the political world. Narendra Modi labeled Rahul Gandhi as a small fish, floating around in the comfort of an aquarium. (perhaps not too far off from the mark according to many!) However it was as if an electric eel had stung the grand old party. Spokesperson Manish Tiwari hit back, labeled the Gujarat CM as a ‘piranha’ or a man eater fish (again not too far off the mark)

But it raises a rather interesting scenario – are we done calling politicians, jackals, hyenas and other four legged creatures? Are fishes the new age comparison yardstick for our politicos? Well a little digging shows that human beings did evolve from the seas…and here’s concrete proof that our politicians do have siblings in the marine world.

Enjoy!

One look and you would agree that the TMC chief surely evolved from the Puffer Fish…the resemblance is uncanny. Not only does Banerjee’s sea faring ancestor look deadly, it is deadly. Matter of fact, the Puffer is the second most poisonous vertebrate in the world….much like Mamata, who had the uncanny knack of poisoning/stalling whatever she touches… from Busses in Kolkatta to Nanos in Singur, anything on 4 wheels – cant withstand her brute force.

The skin and certain internal organs of the Puffer is highly toxic to humans, much like Mamata’s rabble rousing… so toxic are her speeches, that SEZs all over West Bengal wear a deserted look after she was done with them.

Note to Bhuddhadeb - If one is caught while fishing, it is recommended that thick gloves are worn to avoid getting bitten.

At up to 108 feet in length and 190 tons or more in weight, the Blue Whale is the largest whale and the largest living animal on the planet. The blue giants human descendent - AIADMK chief Jayalalitha Jayaram is one of the largest politicians to have walked on earth. Hell, her larger than life hoardings will dwarf even the blue whale (its called evolution – better bigger heavier!)

Whales, I am told - cannot sleep for long, since they need to be conscious in order to breathe. Only one hemisphere of their brains sleeps at a time, so that whales are never completely asleep…this behavior can be seen in the former CM’s brain too. The left hemisphere of Jayalalitha’s brain keeps thinking of how to become the CM, while the right side keeps scheming on how to throw her arch rival and current CM, Karunanidhi, back to prison.

Note to DMK: She intends to come out of the deep end of the ocean anytime. Lok Sabha elections around the corner and the whale is hungry for some kursi.

While Congress’s Manish Tiwari did compare Modi to a "piranha" – (a mythical man eater fish), what he really meant was a white shark. One of the deadliest creatures that swim in the ocean, their likes can be found in all major oceans in the world (they also frequent areas around Naroda Patia in Gujarat)

Having much more intelligence than initially attributed to – we are now becoming aware of its advanced brain. Reaction to any provocation is intense and swift. Modi’s aquatic cousin - hunts using an "ambush" technique, taking their prey by surprise from below….just like everyone was taken by surprise during the Gujarat riots.

NOTE: At one point of time thought to be endangered – now back in full force.

OK they might not look that same, but there is a lot that is common between the eight legged octopus and UPA chairperson Sonia Gandhi. Octopuses like Mrs. Gandhi are highly intelligent, probably more intelligent than any other order of invertebrates. They have - both short and long-term memory… that enable them to remember who rubbed them the wrong way – ten years go.

They have tentacles in every place… and once you get entangled in their grip there is no escaping. The silent tentacles just reaches out to the dissenters and chokes them of oxygen supply. (even old fish like Margret Alva could not survive) An octopus' primary defense is the cloak of invisibility - the ability not to be seen at all or not to be detected. Its something that Sonia Gandhi uses to her advantage – being PM and still not being PM – deciding everything – and yet making it look like a Congress party decision. !

Note: Just like the Octopus, don’t mess with the high command. Trespassers will be sucked into a chokehold

Algae are prominent in bodies of water, they can be found in unusual environments too, such as on snow and on ice. Microscopic forms of algae live suspended in the water and provide the food base for most marine food chains. Just like Muthalik and his goons – these minuscule creatures are rather good – they provide the media on something to talk about, give us some comic relief (our desire to see them cross dress in pink panties is still to be fulfilled)

However they have a tendency to multiply rapidly – and reach high densities – in Algae that leads to discoloring of water and asphyxiation of other life forms….

NOTE: Urgently needed some liberal dose of water cleansing to weed out the pests.

Never judge a book by its cover – and never go by the innocent looks of a mermaid! They may appear to be damsels in distress, but mermaids are known to sing to sea men and enchant them, distracting them from their work and causing them to run their ships aground.

They are also known to squeeze the life out of drowning men while attempting to rescue them. They are also said to take humans down to their underwater kingdoms, conveniently forgetting that humans cannot breathe underwater. There are many people who would agree with me that there is a beauty queen who’s done just these things… Salman, Vivek Oberoy ect….

NOTE – Abhishek please take note, read on how to escape from mermaids - alive.

Now here’s a marine life form that showcases the dilemma that we have over Amar Singh… Since jellyfish are not actually fish, some people consider the term jellyfish a misnomer…. Just as sometimes we cant figure out who Amar Singh really is! A politician, a fixer, a socialite, a businessman …well he’s all of them. Amar Singh is – a Jellyfish (and a very slippery one at that!)

Ofcourse Mr. Singh and Mr. Jellyfish share another common attribute – they have no backbone and can bend either ways as per requirement. One day the Left, the very next day – it’s the Congress. BJP Next??? And like his aquatic counterpart – Mr. Singh is quite immortal (no not immoral – IMMORTAL!) rejuvenating himself every now and then – becoming youngewith each passing day…!

It used to be big… really big. And it was mean - it could bite a shark into two and have it for a snack. Scientists say "Dunkleosteus terrelli" might have been "the first king of the beasts." Now scientists have learned Dunkleosteus had the most powerful jaws of any fish ever, its bite rivaling that of T. rex and modern alligators. That is perhaps why Mr. Vajpayee was able to challenge the mammoth that the congress was (even complete successful terms as Prime Minister) His surviving instincts enabled him to navigate the choppy waters of the NDA and keep his mentors at the VHP happy.

NOTE - The creature lived 400 million years ago. Now an extinct breed.