Fishy games that politicians play … !!!

There is some serious fish curry cooking in the political world. Narendra Modi labeled Rahul Gandhi as a small fish, floating around in the comfort of an aquarium. (perhaps not too far off from the mark according to many!) However it was as if an electric eel had stung the grand old party. Spokesperson Manish Tiwari hit back, labeled the Gujarat CM as a ‘piranha’ or a man eater fish (again not too far off the mark)

But it raises a rather interesting scenario – are we done calling politicians, jackals, hyenas and other four legged creatures? Are fishes the new age comparison yardstick for our politicos? Well a little digging shows that human beings did evolve from the seas…and here’s concrete proof that our politicians do have siblings in the marine world.

Enjoy!

One look and you would agree that the TMC chief surely evolved from the Puffer Fish…the resemblance is uncanny. Not only does Banerjee’s sea faring ancestor look deadly, it is deadly. Matter of fact, the Puffer is the second most poisonous vertebrate in the world….much like Mamata, who had the uncanny knack of poisoning/stalling whatever she touches… from Busses in Kolkatta to Nanos in Singur, anything on 4 wheels – cant withstand her brute force.

The skin and certain internal organs of the Puffer is highly toxic to humans, much like Mamata’s rabble rousing… so toxic are her speeches, that SEZs all over West Bengal wear a deserted look after she was done with them.

Note to Bhuddhadeb - If one is caught while fishing, it is recommended that thick gloves are worn to avoid getting bitten.

At up to 108 feet in length and 190 tons or more in weight, the Blue Whale is the largest whale and the largest living animal on the planet. The blue giants human descendent - AIADMK chief Jayalalitha Jayaram is one of the largest politicians to have walked on earth. Hell, her larger than life hoardings will dwarf even the blue whale (its called evolution – better bigger heavier!)

Whales, I am told - cannot sleep for long, since they need to be conscious in order to breathe. Only one hemisphere of their brains sleeps at a time, so that whales are never completely asleep…this behavior can be seen in the former CM’s brain too. The left hemisphere of Jayalalitha’s brain keeps thinking of how to become the CM, while the right side keeps scheming on how to throw her arch rival and current CM, Karunanidhi, back to prison.

Note to DMK: She intends to come out of the deep end of the ocean anytime. Lok Sabha elections around the corner and the whale is hungry for some kursi.

While Congress’s Manish Tiwari did compare Modi to a "piranha" – (a mythical man eater fish), what he really meant was a white shark. One of the deadliest creatures that swim in the ocean, their likes can be found in all major oceans in the world (they also frequent areas around Naroda Patia in Gujarat)

Having much more intelligence than initially attributed to – we are now becoming aware of its advanced brain. Reaction to any provocation is intense and swift. Modi’s aquatic cousin - hunts using an "ambush" technique, taking their prey by surprise from below….just like everyone was taken by surprise during the Gujarat riots.

NOTE: At one point of time thought to be endangered – now back in full force.

OK they might not look that same, but there is a lot that is common between the eight legged octopus and UPA chairperson Sonia Gandhi. Octopuses like Mrs. Gandhi are highly intelligent, probably more intelligent than any other order of invertebrates. They have - both short and long-term memory… that enable them to remember who rubbed them the wrong way – ten years go.

They have tentacles in every place… and once you get entangled in their grip there is no escaping. The silent tentacles just reaches out to the dissenters and chokes them of oxygen supply. (even old fish like Margret Alva could not survive) An octopus' primary defense is the cloak of invisibility - the ability not to be seen at all or not to be detected. Its something that Sonia Gandhi uses to her advantage – being PM and still not being PM – deciding everything – and yet making it look like a Congress party decision. !

Note: Just like the Octopus, don’t mess with the high command. Trespassers will be sucked into a chokehold

Algae are prominent in bodies of water, they can be found in unusual environments too, such as on snow and on ice. Microscopic forms of algae live suspended in the water and provide the food base for most marine food chains. Just like Muthalik and his goons – these minuscule creatures are rather good – they provide the media on something to talk about, give us some comic relief (our desire to see them cross dress in pink panties is still to be fulfilled)

However they have a tendency to multiply rapidly – and reach high densities – in Algae that leads to discoloring of water and asphyxiation of other life forms….

NOTE: Urgently needed some liberal dose of water cleansing to weed out the pests.

Never judge a book by its cover – and never go by the innocent looks of a mermaid! They may appear to be damsels in distress, but mermaids are known to sing to sea men and enchant them, distracting them from their work and causing them to run their ships aground.

They are also known to squeeze the life out of drowning men while attempting to rescue them. They are also said to take humans down to their underwater kingdoms, conveniently forgetting that humans cannot breathe underwater. There are many people who would agree with me that there is a beauty queen who’s done just these things… Salman, Vivek Oberoy ect….

NOTE – Abhishek please take note, read on how to escape from mermaids - alive.

Now here’s a marine life form that showcases the dilemma that we have over Amar Singh… Since jellyfish are not actually fish, some people consider the term jellyfish a misnomer…. Just as sometimes we cant figure out who Amar Singh really is! A politician, a fixer, a socialite, a businessman …well he’s all of them. Amar Singh is – a Jellyfish (and a very slippery one at that!)

Ofcourse Mr. Singh and Mr. Jellyfish share another common attribute – they have no backbone and can bend either ways as per requirement. One day the Left, the very next day – it’s the Congress. BJP Next??? And like his aquatic counterpart – Mr. Singh is quite immortal (no not immoral – IMMORTAL!) rejuvenating himself every now and then – becoming youngewith each passing day…!

It used to be big… really big. And it was mean - it could bite a shark into two and have it for a snack. Scientists say "Dunkleosteus terrelli" might have been "the first king of the beasts." Now scientists have learned Dunkleosteus had the most powerful jaws of any fish ever, its bite rivaling that of T. rex and modern alligators. That is perhaps why Mr. Vajpayee was able to challenge the mammoth that the congress was (even complete successful terms as Prime Minister) His surviving instincts enabled him to navigate the choppy waters of the NDA and keep his mentors at the VHP happy.

NOTE - The creature lived 400 million years ago. Now an extinct breed.